Homosexuals Use Burger King To Seduce Children (Plus, Tony Stewart gets Pinkalicious)

A startling discovery was made today by FAWX News Reporter -ZD- which has revealed that the popular restaurant, Burger King, is working in conjunction with the homosexual agenda that seeks to destroy America. How could this be, you ask? They're targeting your children! The method they have used is so very subtle that most parents don't even realize it's happening within their own family. Below is a scanned image of a bag purchased from Burger King showing how they plan to corrupt your children through seemingly innocent toys.

 Looks innocent enough, right? But look carefully at the options presented for girls, and then the options presented for boys. Girls get a set of Pinkalicious toys, while boys only receive a Tony Stewart NASCAR racing car. Each of the girl's toys have an individual use, while the boy's toys are basically the same thing with a few small additions each time. Now you're probably wondering, if Burger King is offering toys for both girls and boys, how can any of this be perceived as a homosexual attempt to destroy your family? The answer is quite simple.

 Everyone knows that NASCAR is boring as all hell. No one wants to watch some guys drive cars in a circle 200+ times. That is of course, until the cars crash into each other and explode. I stole several of the Tony Stewart racecars from some kids who happened to be playing with them and attempted to cause the cars to ignite by sending them smashing into walls, but to no avail. The cars only rolled aimlessly forward or backward, toppling onto their sides and tops. Except for one car that had a crooked wheel after my first throw and it kind of went a little to the left from then on. I had to bring my own hammer and smash the cars just to get them to explode in front of the children I had originally taken the cars from. Even then it wasn't as satisfying as seeing the real thing, as the kids would agree. They were crying from the sheer disappointment of not seeing a proper duplication of a NASCAR explosion. In summation , Burger King is selling our nation's fine young men these broken toy cars.

So what happens when the boys quickly grow tired of their non-combustible racecars? They turn to the girl's toys! I watched in horror as the boys began to comb their hair with the Ring Comb, and wave their Star Bright Wands around, blissfully unaware of the innuendo surrounding magic wands and their relation to the homosexual community! They strapped on their Hair Play ribbons and wore their Pinkalicious Tiara's proudly. Suddenly the girls in Burger King were very interested in the boys and began attempts to flirt with them, but the boys just started making out with each other as I pressed their faces firmly together.

I decided enough was enough and headed into the kitchen to demand answers.

"Excuse me sir, what do you have to say about the new Pinkalicious toys that Burger King is giving to kids?"

"YOU NO ALLOWED BACK HERE!"

"Would you agree they're attempting to impress a homosexual image upon young boys who play with them?"

"GET OUT OF KITCHEN!"

"Can I speak to your manager please?"

Fortunately the manager was already on his way to me, and we continued the discussion on the issue of the Pinkalicious toys in the parking lot of Burger King.

"Are you aware you're selling broken toys to kids, as well as glorifying a homosexual lifestyle to them at an impressionable age?"

"Just stay away from here! Do not come back! If I catch you in here harassing our customers or our employees again, we're going to have a problem!"

The manager stepped back inside and I followed him back to his office to continue questioning.

"How many more kids have to die from AIDS before you're happy?"

"What the hell are you doing back in here?! That's it, I'm calling the cops!"

 I left shortly after, later on receiving a restraining order that said I was not to enter the premises under any circumstances. All of this just for spreading the truth. This has been -ZD- of FAWX News reporting.